The past few months have flown by and I haven’t had a lot of time to write… But today I had a moment to breathe and felt like putting some thoughts down.
August and September are always busy months, but this year in particular felt different, like the start of a huge change. For those of you who know me well, change does not come easily to me! I think the anticipation of it all has been the most challenging. Even though I was gearing up for some exciting new things, change is still overwhelming.
As September got closer, I started to realize how much the thought of my son going to Kindergarten was weighing on me. I’ve always loved school and ever since I was young, fall symbolized the start of the school year, the start of routine, and ironically, the changing of seasons! So while this season has always been comforting and special to me, this year felt more significant. Rowan also loves learning and I know he’s thriving, but there’s still a part of me that can’t believe he’s gone for 6 hours out of our days. The first few weeks of school were so chaotic, trying to sort out our insane schedules, I barely had the time to process this milestone.
My daughter also started two days of preschool this September, and that’s been emotional as well. She loves being there (once she actually separates from me…) but it’s still really hard to let go of my babies. Again, I’ve been so busy that I’ve barely had the time to be alone at home without them, until this week! Such a change.
Change can be a good thing, and often rewarding, and once I’ve embraced new things I always see how amazing they can be, but getting there brings out a lot of anxiety in me. These milestones for my kids have been all consuming, because I feel like I’m trying to process everything with them, but also on my own.
I know that’s the flow of life, and having my kids entering new chapters is allowing me to do a little more for myself. I started a business I’ve had in the back of my mind for a long time, but was never in a place in life for it to work, until now. And here we are… I started teaching private piano lessons over the summer, but have been working incredibly hard to finish my own home studio, while scheduling several group and private lessons, while also trying to balance my home life.
It’s been wonderful, don’t get me wrong. When I’m immersed in it, whether hearing about what my kids did at school, or watching Cassia’s adorable ballet class, or skating with Rowan as he practises for hockey, or seeing the smiles on my students’ faces when they learn something new, I feel so grateful for these changes. They still scare me and overwhelm me at times, but I also see beauty in them, and am learning to adapt (something that has never come easily for me).
Maybe having my kids adapt and change along with me has helped in more ways than one. Forcing me to move outside of my comfort zone and take on new things, even when I want to stay put and avoid it. Looking at new things through the eyes of a child can give me perspective when I might not be feeling excited on the inside. I usually realize that it was just fear of the unknown that was holding me back.
Anyway, this post kind of feels all over the place, but that’s where my head has been for the past two months.
Autumn is my favourite season… I love everything about it, the colours, the crisp air, the food, the holidays, the start of school and routine, the clothes, and even the change. Watching change in nature can be beautiful, even if it is a bit sad at times. But learning to mirror those changes in my own life, and realizing that they’re necessary, or important, or exciting, is a part of fall that really resonates this year. (I’ve also been frantically trying to harvest my garden, and have had some other things going on in my family that have kept me busy, but I’ll write about that another time!)
My mind is still a bit scattered right now, but I’m starting to feel more settled in this season of change. Happy Fall, everyone, and I hope you can embrace the changes going on in your own life with excitement, even if they scare you a little. And that’s okay!
